NEWS IN SHORT

Everything peachy-keen in life of Lindsay  Lindsay is finding herself self-conscious these days of how well things are going for her: "I feel bad -- whenever I get on the phone with someone I haven't spoken with for a while, i'm all like, 'everything's going GREAT!   Dan and I signed a lease for an apartment, i got great scores on my GRE's, and i'm finally having that sinus surgery I've been talking about for a while.  My life smells like roses and yours smells like poo!  How's your crappy job coming along?'  I feel like I'm being borderline insensitive," Lindsay says.  Damn, I hate that girl. 
Update on the situation in Sinuses A procedure to correct and rebuild the warzone of the Sinuses has been assessed and scheduled for October 4th.  More on this story below.