A Most Talented Sleeper

daN has always marvelled at my "incredible sleeping instincts." Two mornings ago, as i was having a particularly hard time rousing from sleep-delightful-sleep, daN sat on the bed, tried to wake me up again and again, and informed me that he wouldn't be able to get up off the bed until i got up.

My response: "I can't get up. I'm doing a crossword puzzle."

daN replies surprised and supercilious, "a crossword puzzle?"

"AND a jumble." I remember informing him about the crossword puzzle. I do not recall saying the part about the jumble. The fact is that in my highly developed sleeping instincts, i wake up just enough and just long enough to secure some more sleep for myself. Like turning off an alarm clock. I can do that and simply not remember later on in the day having done it. I can hit the snooze button six or seven times and not remember doing it. When i was in college, i actually had to get out of bed to accomplish said turning off/hitting snooze button. I still didn't wake up, even though i had to walk across a room to do it. Six or seven times.

To further illustrate this point, i would like to elaborate on a story from late childhood/early puberty. I was at summer camp with my friend Lee. Naturally, we had to get up early. It didn't seem like many other people in the cabins had much of a problem with that. I, on the other hand, was always one of the late risers.

I was having the most elaborate dream this one morning! I was at my aunt's house, and the TV wasn't on, but these little aliens in the shape of 1" planet Saturns were flying out of the television screen in droves! The only way to slow them down from filling up the house was to hit a particular sequence of numbers on the remote control. Every time you hit the numbers, you heard this beeping sound (remarkably similar to the sound of an alarm clock, i might add.) Just when i was making some MAJOR headway, i felt something heavy thump on the back of my head! BATS were flying down from the ceiling and repeatedly smacking me in the back of the head! How dare they?! Well, what was i going to do about THIS?! Then in the distance, i heard Lee's voice yelling, "Lindz! Lindz!" She was hitting me with a pillow in efforts to TRY wake me up. I managed to incorporate getting hit over the back of the head into my dream. Now THAT's a good sleep instinct.

The compelling part about this story is not only the incredible talent with which i was able to instantaneously incorporate outside forces (literally, FORCES) into a dream in order to maintain REM, but also that this particular talent was developed in me early on, in pre-teenage years. Most people were able to get up early without a problem until sometime in high school or college. Nope, not me. I've NEVER been able to wake up easily. At least, not for most of my life. There's no reason i should expect it to change now. I simply have to embrace what i have as a rare talent, unappreciated and unwanted in today's fast-paced society.

"Pooping is like having a baby. Short of a medical procedure, it's not going to come out until it's ready." -- myself, this morning on the crapper