Life Goes On

Well, as many of you know, i just sent out an update with all the good news in my life. But, you have to take the good with the bad, and vice versa, i guess.

Yesterday was rough.

My grandmother died a couple days ago, which explains my reticence since. My Dad's mother -- the French one. It's funny -- i was never been that close with my grandmothers in the way that some people are. That's probably because of distance -- she didn't live just down the street like a lot of people's in rural areas. But i still love both of them very much, and i'm very sad to have that loss. She was a spritely old lady -- she mowed her lawn almost every day. She was healthy -- she could still go grocery shopping. She always came to all my plays, and if there was one she couldn't make it too, she was sorry for it. She loved singing, loved playing the piano, and i remember all the songs she used to sing with me and my brother when we were kids. My favorite was the song about the three little fishies swimmin' in a dam, swimming just as fast as they can... Grammy had a really big heart. She never got her licence or ever even learned how to drive, but she still had a car so that when people came to bring her out for errands, they wouldn't have to use their own gasoline. She just felt better having a car.

She died naturally. She was never really sick. I'm grateful that she didn't have to go to a nursing home. She lived on her own, cooked for herself, had the milk delivered, took a walk through the cemetary every day. I'm grateful that she got to live life to the fullest up to the very end. She never had to have anyone come to the house to take care of her. She died quickly. It must have been her time. That's what i would wish for anyone, including myself. That's what she wanted. But it still doesn't eliminate the shock. It still doesn't make it hurt less. With my grandfather, it was a long drawn out suffering, and it was almost a relief when he died because it ended his suffering. Grammy wasn't suffering, so it's feels like more of a loss.

In a way, i'm sadder for my Dad. He saw her a lot, and she was his Mom.
I'm really glad i wrote her a letter a couple weeks ago.