Diddly-Squat

That's what i did yesterday. Well, not entirely. I mean, i still did stuff -- i finished a scarf for a friend, i started on some Christmas presents, i made some headway on a big old scarf i'm making for myself, and i also did some laundry and went to the library. But all in all, i sat around in a comfy chair most of the day. It was magnificent. The only time i really left the vicinity was for the yoga class at Mass BJJ, which, since the school year started, has had a dwindled attendance. For a while there it was around 6 people every week (which is a great number for a new program at any studio), it has fallen to two every week, and yesterday there was only one. That's OK, though, because it's my last class there unless i go in once a month for a class there. I already told the studio owner, and he understood. I got a very sweet email from him about it in which he informed me that i am "a wonderful teacher, and everyone who takes the class has nothing but the best to say about it. But [he] certainly understand[s] the need for a full time job." Yep. Boy, don't i know it! And more than i thought i would!

Oh -- the other updates i promised:

1. The Weekend -- it was lovely! On Saturday, i did yoga in the morning, taught a class at the Athletic Center at Harvard University (for which i received a round of applause afterward! They really liked it!), and then daN and i met up at Razz's house to see off Ana, who is going to London. She had to postpone her flight because her visa hadn't shown up yet, and it was just as well, because we were all happy to have a couple more social occassions with her. Her flight was at 8pm on Saturday, so we all gathered to help her pack (and i love packing -- very good at it) and provide moral support, and hug her every now and then when we all got sad about not seeing her for three years. I AM going to visit her though. She took off, and daN and i walked home and domesticized. We had dinner and watched the recent 2005 Focus Features release of "Pride and Prejudice" starring Kiera Knightly. We both really enjoyed it -- i thought it was overall quite well done, and that Kiera Knightly did a fair job delivering the slighting quips of Elizabeth Bennet, and the actor who portrayed Mr. Bingley did a particulary good job of seeming awkward and unapproachable. However, my favorite version of the book (aside from the book itself) remains the six hour PBS version. It was long enough to put in EVERYTHING. I found the newer version more sentimental and less satirical than Austin's written text, but when narrowing a book down to a two hour summary, one must choose one's approach. And it was still a nice way to spend a Saturday evening.

Sunday, daN disappeared to hang out with some college friends, and i went to yoga at a studio down the street, and spent the rest of the day with Q. We hadn't done that for a long time, and i had a blast! We went shopping, which i desperately needed to do, since i really needed new workclothes. Not that i have a job yet, but i'll need them, and i had the time to do it. And a little money. Q didn't make out too badly either: as she said herself, "I meant to just go amd be moral support... I ended up with a new sweater, a winter jacket, and a bunch of other stuff." IT happens :) Eventually, we came back home, and i made some brownies to eat while we watched the Pats game and drank beer. The Pats lost horribly, but it was wonderful to spend so much time with a dear longtime friend of mine. Especially since she might be moving soon.

2. Job prospects:

• I'm fairly certain that the position in the Grad School of Education at Harvard isn't going to pan out. According to my sources, it was a personality match thing. They are actually going to do another round of interviews to try to find just the right person for their office. At first, i was saddened, but then i thought, "well, if they weren't comfortable with me, then chances are that i wouldn't be happy with them either."
• Boldened by my newfound something-or-other, i had an interview at an architectural firm on Monday in the Fort Point area of Boston. Global Protection is in that general neck of the woods, though deeper in. This firm was much closer to South Station, and yet just far enough out for me to experience the salty air of the ocean, watch the seagulls flock around, and notice how much it has changed out there with all the new buildings and roads being developed in the up-and-coming "Seaport" district. It felt indescribably comfortable there. There were real people, old buildings, history, and grit. The office itself was very open and light -- well laid out -- as i would expect an architectural firm to be, and i really sincerely liked all the people, the way they were interacting with each other, and the person i interviewed with. We chuckled together and had, i thought, a good raport. I'll keep you posted. There is a part of me that REALLY wants this one to work out, even though it would still be quite a commute from Somerville. But it's still on the Redline (as is Somerville) so that would make a difference -- wouldn't have to transfer train lines. It just felt.... right somehow.
• In the meantime, i remain open to temping through the Harvard temping agency, and we'll see if anything comes of that.
• I also got an email back from a land use policy educational institute in Harvard Square, and i hopefully get to interview with them soon. I should call them in a few minutes, actually.

3. What else? I might walk to Target today -- it's about 45 minutes and should get some more exercise into my system. And grab a couple things -- a plain necklace to provide accent with black clothing, a package of underwear for daN, and generally, get out of the house. I should also handwash some delicate clothing. Not a bad day. And more knitting!

Following my Prana

Yes, prana. It is a Kripalu or yoga word for "life force" or "energy." I had a crappy night's sleep. I woke up around 3:30 and didn't fall asleep after that. I tossed and turned, thinking about clothing, what to exchange at LLBean, how my new clothes would go with the rest of my stuff, what yoga poses I felt like doing. So when daN got up at 5:10, i decided that i would get up, too. Why keep tossing and turning when i felt like doing yoga? *hence the prana-following* So i got up and put on some hot water, knit for a while, sipped some tea, and then did yoga for about and hour and a half. It was wonderful. Some of the best yoga i've done in quite a while.

I then ate a delicious breakfast, got together stuff to return to LLBean, and called them to make sure it was OK. It was, of course -- it's LLBean.

I sent off some applications for jobs, made coffee and sipped it while i did my bills, and figured out what to wear to my job interview this afternoon at an architectural firm (that could turn out to be really cool -- i get along really well with architects, for whatever reason). Class at Bally's today went really well, and now i'm eating some lunch before i head off for the interview. I also hope that i make it back in plenty of time to go teach yoga at Harvard... if not, well, i'll have a set of yoga clothes with me.

I had a great weekend, but i'll have to talk about it later. I have to get ready to go!

BABY!
Today, I had the pleasure of being at First Marblehead for one of my co-workers' wedding showers. AND, her boss (another co-worker of mine) brought in her nine-month old. She liked me A LOT. And i liked her A LOT, too. She smiled at me from across the boardroom (which is huge, by the way) babbling at me and making cute baby sounds.

I held her for quite a while, and at one beautiful point, she leaned in and giggled and cooed at me while she placed her forehead on mine! It was SO CUTE! I am still qvelling. Here is the evidence.

By the way, my other coworkers were asking if i was ready for a baby, since they're clearly ready for me. Well, i'm not, but the biological clock is. It's saying "HEY! You've been with the same guys for nearly seven years now -- it's time to start pushing them out!" I am hitting the snooze button on that darned clock as hard as i can. Funny thing is that as i get older, it goes off more and more frequently.

When It Rains

I was starting to wonder whether I was going to hear back from these staffing agencies or not, (I've been interviewing at a few), and today I got a slew of phonecalls asking to send me resume here and there. I've been applying for jobs all afternoon. I am, as it were, sick of being home all the time. I went through a particularly rough phase where I started to look the Bailey's square in the face at 10:00 in the morning saying, "i WILL not put you in my coffee. i WILL not put you in my coffee. BAD Lindsay, BAD!" I'm home far too often when part of my brain thinks that alcohol all day is a good idea.

And i can say this with no guilt or doubt: I want a fucking job, already! That being said, I want to find the right job, rather than taking the first thing that lands on my lap. If that is the one that looks good for me, i'll take it. Otherwise, i'm trying to remain level-headed about it so i don't start drooling over the fact that it's a job at all... and looking at it with a more critical eye so i really find something i can be happy with for a while. Who knows how long that "while" will turn out to be, but i'm trying to be realistic about myself here, and go with what i know about myself:

• Security = good, but too corporate = bad.
• Flexibility = good, but hating the company's mission = bad.
• Loving the company's mission = good, but being too stressed out to remember what my hobbies are = bad. (*not to say that all nonprofits are disorganized chaotic and stressful workplaces. Just that most are.)
• Nice work environment and good view = good, long commute to get there = bad.
  

All that being said, wish me luck in finding the right thing for now. Again. :)

Forray into the Fall

First off, even though this is redundant, i would like to reiterate how much more i am enjoying both teaching and doing yoga now that i've decided to make it an "on the side" thing.

Second off, i can't wait to have a regular job again. I am waiting to hear back from the job at Harvard, and i'm also working with staffing agents who do temping and temp-perm hiring for Harvard directly. Both seem to be going well enough... still nothing yet, though. I am tired of my weekends and my weekdays smushing together, and continue to find myself hungering for people. Today i did get up the gumption to clean the bathroom and wash the kitchen and bathroom floors while i've got laundry going. It's amazing how being home more often actually makes me more resistant to housework. I don't get it. I sort of realized that after daN launched into dishes and vacuuming yesterday. I felt like a lump. I have been home all this time and have practically done squat! (not totally true -- i've been doing the dishes a lot and i rearranged the books on the bookshelves, but still...)

Third: had a great weekend! It was warmer out than i would have liked it to have been, but that's pretty much been true of every day lately. I got spoiled by those few really cool weeks where I actually required a couple more layers to keep warm. It was splendid!

Friday night, i went to LLBean in Burlington. Weeeee! As part of their Grand Opening weekend extravaganza, they were open 24 hours in the spirit of the flagship store in Freeport. It's not nearly as large, but it doesn't really have to be. I missed having all the selection in the world at my disposal, but i managed to come out of there with a few great things: a cashmere cotton blend cable-knit turtleneck (brown), a dusty-plum colored lambswool button-up cardigan (also cableknit), and a teal pima cotton crewneck with longsleeves. I recently also ordered an extra-thick and fuzzy and warm and long pink fuzzy bathrobe from LLBean. Last winter, i was very cold, layering up in an old bathrobe that served me well for nearly 10 years, but it was so worn so as not to be effective. I also, you may recall, went on a cashmere-buying binge (well, if you could consider buying three cashmere sweaters that usually retail for over $100 on ebay for $25 a binge) for the purposes of getting myself some clothing that is actually warm. Not layering up six or seven times (literally) to keep warm enough in our uninsulated old apartment, but having instead maybe, two REALLY warm layers. I'm working on it. Thank you, LLBean.

Saturday, i went a little crazy. That's OK.

Sunday, i went to the O2 yoga studio down the street, which it turns out i love. I always feel GREAT when i get out of yoga there. Then, daN and i ate, and threw ourselves onto the trails of the Fellsway, where, apparently, there is lots of illicit gay sex going on. We didn't realize that. But apparently, this is a well-known thing of the area. We had just been conversing about the oddities of it when we came across a couple of signs telling people which trails went where. On the signs were also little bits about "NO BIKING." Someone, in a very prepared and pre-meditated fashion, spray painted over the "BIKING" so the background matched the rest of the painted background, and had painted over it in white paint to match the rest of the text "GAY SEX." Therefore, the signs read "SKYLINE TRAIL. NO GAY SEX."

huh???

Does anyone have any light to shed? Is this a new thing, or a hold-over from the not-to-distant past where gay men were not allowed out of the closet and some sought love in public spaces? Anyone?


At any rate, the weekend ended wonderfully with a delightful dinner at the India Pavillion to celebrate Ana, her presence, and congratulate her on her upcoming journey to London for further schooling in archaeology, art restoration and conservation, and the like. We had a great time -- the usual Boston suspects were there -- myself, daN, Q, Razz, Ana, and Jenny Woodman. It was lovely. Aria and Kal-El were unable to make it, but we had a great time at our six person table, taking as long as we wanted.

Good luck, Ana. We'll miss you a lot.

Mr. Picassohead

Thank you, Q, for introducing me to Stumble-upon. GREAT Mozilla feature. Yes. I am a junkie.

Latest favorite: Mr. Picassohead -- a site where you are given a variety of choices for noses, eyes, ears, faces, etc, to put together your very own Mr. Picassohead. Do it.

Friday Early Evening Bliss

I just had a few small but sumptuous spoons of melted chocolate dipped in one of my favorite me-made apertifs (dessert drink) -- espresso with Bailey's in it. The results were ... ___gasmic. I can't think of the correct first syllable, but it has something to do with a sigh.

My New Chain Entry is Up!

http://www.achainstory.net/scarlet/

It took me long enough, but i think it's worth it. I got to use the word "heteronormative" and had fun distilling the pirate archetype in 20 words or less.

Apples!

I've been engaging in illicit activities with apples lately. But not in their pure form. I've been using them. Oh yes, using them.

It all started with the apple crisp with the freshly picked apples a couple weeks ago. I couldn't stop there. I had more apples, and i intended to be creative with them, to use them to my liking. And the apples liked it too. I no less than curried them. It was a spectacular vision of an apple with the slightly sweet and spicy curry, tart with early fall apples. Young and firm. I soon had to announce my apple love to the world! And the world said: "ok, that's cool. You can do lots with apples." And i didn't feel quite so weird about it anymore. It's the fall and i love cooking with apples!

After burning my first batch of apple sauce from inattention, my heart did not sink. I was strong, and maintained that i would soon make a batch of apple sauce to beat the band: creamy, smooth, tart, and yet, not so tart. Simple. Today, i did just that. And let me tell ya. It was worth it.

by the way, the interview went *really* well this morning. When i told a yoga student of mine who works at Harvard about how soon i had an interview (i applied a little after Labor Day), she said, and i quote, "FANTASTIC! I have *never* heard of such blinding speed before :)" and later refered to it as being "so unusual as to be a very good sign." It not only made me laugh, but gave me hope. I got along well with the hiring manager as well as the other folk, and had a good time. Keep your fingers crossed, and i'll keep you posted.

Wish Me Luck Upon a Star

Well, folks, the search is going well -- the one for a new job. And tomorrow (Monday morning at 9:15) I have an interview at the Harvard Grad School of Education in the Student Affairs Office for a Staff Assistant position. The position reports to the Dean, and would deal with everyone from students to faculty to other staff members doing general advanced administration and front desk stuff.

This is the first interview i've had in quite a while that i really wanted to get the job based on the whole package -- the people i imagine will be there, the environment, the actual things that the job requires, the internal and external clients, the benefits and pay -- the whole deal. I'm excited. And trying to be level about it.

Wish me luck coming across as professional polished, competent, and kind.

In other news, this weekend has been a sad and happy one at the same time. I went to Hampshire College this weekend (in Amherst) to memorialize a couple people i knew in college who died in a car accident tragically last fall. Their families wanted to have celebrations for their lives... and everyone else who attended just wanted some closure. It was odd and sad to be back under such circumstances, but there were some wonderful familiar faces. The whole sadness was compounded by the fact that the Hampshire Community just lost a dear professor to leukemia. He was one of the two people on my Division II committee. I am very sad to have lost him. Patty and Drew worked much more closely with him, and we sat outside his office yesterday afternoon leaning on the door. It was really sad.

There were great things about being back there, though. There's nothing like western Mass in the fall time, with the boobilicious hills rolling in the background. I got to go to Atkins Country Market and pick up some delicious coffee and apples and a chocolate croissant (theirs are particularly good), and we went to the Haymarket for some delicious hippy-food.

Speaking of delicious hippy-food, we all had lunch today at this place called "Veggie Planet" in Harvard Square -0- daN and i met Patty and Drew there after Q's doggie event. Having walked from the Common in Downtown Boston, we were keen for food. The food there is tasty-licious and cheap. I highly recommend it!

All in all, a good weekend. It was wonderful to be reunited with friends, and wonderful to be in the Amherst-Noho area. It was also really nice to go on a hugely long walk with daN today.

Again, wish me luck with the interview tomorrow. I doubt it will be the last if i make it, but please wish for me that i make it!

And now, for your moment of Zen: the dinnerware that daN and i picked out at Crate and Barrel today.

You've GOT to scroll down to the kitten video.

Courtesy of YouTube and www.cuteoverload.com, have a cute moment for yourself today.

You'll need the pick-me-up, because yesterday, Steve Irwin the Croc Hunter passed away while swimming over a sting ray http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2006/09/04/irwin2_hum.html

Maybe i'm a day late in finding this out since i don't have TV, but i was saddened nonetheless.

Take a long dram with me
of California Wine
California Wine
-- The Decemberists

Maybe it's the fact that i never see people these days, and i'm feeling lonely. Maybe it's that my new set of pills is making me cry all the time. Maybe it's that i am fighting off the sense of defeat from running out of money and having to apply for full time jobs again. Maybe it's knowing that I'm running out of money and i NEED a full time job again. Whatever the reason, her heart or her shoes, she stood there on Labor Day's Eve feeling the blues.

Autumn has a sense of nostalgia all on its own. The smell in the air, the feeling of new beginnings, change, as the school year calendar is burned into my brain and flows through my veins. I miss having something new to do in the fall. And maybe that's why i'm applying for a fulltime job. I don't know.

But i do know this: i have learned a lot about myself this summer, things that i'm not sure i would have known if i hadn't attempted to be a fulltime yoga teacher from the get-go:

1. I am not the kind of person who can go long periods of time without knowing where the money is going to come from. It freaks me out, and i'm not OK with it. Read, i need more stability than i thought i did.
2. I still want to feel like i am doing good in the world. I can work at a college, university, non-profit, or some other socially minded company, and still feel like i'm doing good.
3. You don't have to teach yoga full time to teach yoga.
4. I don't want to teach yoga full time unless it's all in the same place. There has been far too much running around like a chicken with my head cut off this summer, and all the travelling is too much for me.
5. I don't need my own schedule as much as i thought i did. All i need is more time off every now and then.
6. I miss people. I'm 50/50 introvert-extrovert, and the introvert's even getting lonely.
7. I miss the basic comforts. Being able to get new clothing when i need it (and i need it, but i can't right now), being able to go out for dinner if i damned well please, and being able to buy a CD. Being able to buy a cup of coffee without feeling guilty about it.
8. It turns out you need money to travel, and i need to travel A LOT. I have the travel bug, and it's going nuts right now.

I have been feeling anxious lately because i am running out of money. And that's not easy. But i still have a small buffer. Fortunately, the folks at FM are kind enough to let me stay there until i can work it all out, or even come on full time again. They're good people, and they want to help me out.

So, wish me well. I'm a basket case right now, but i'm starting to be OK with where i am. I can still teach at Bally's, the Harvard Athletic Centers, and at the Children's Center i've been doing. I can still do those things and have a darned good time teaching yoga.

I wanted to do this all on my own terms, and it turns out, my terms are different than i thought they were.