News

A recent fortune cookie (last week) said to me, "You will be sharing great news with all the people you love." Well, i gotta tell ya i'm still waiting for that great news. MAN am i waiting for that great news.

So i know i didn't get into Brown. The day before yesterday i got a refusal letter from UMass Amherst. Now, i know that every program is different, but instincts tell me that if i didn't get into UMass, then i won't be getting into Tufts or BU. Call me crazy. I know it's not the best to think like that, because technically anything is possible, but last time i checked, if you don't get into UMass, you don't really get in anywhere. But who knows? So, i'm trying to keep that avenue open in my mind, but there is a "temporary detour" sign in front of the grad school avenue.

Meanwhile, i had a great interview the other day at a staffing agency that has connections to working for this company with a a freaking stellar benefits package, and they're interviewing this week. I haven't heard anything back. Sigh. Please send the good vibes my way, because i apparently need them.

Now, i've been strong, and i've been able to be positive about things the whole way. And then today i went to the dentist. I had never had a cavite in my life. I am religious about my teeth, and i brush them all the time, with great vigor.

In short, i have fifteen cavities, 13 of which sprung directly from brushing to aggressively. Oh, the irony of it all. I was OK at the dentist. A bit overwhelmed, but OK. I haven't been able to bring myself to look at the cost vs dental coverage thing they kindly printed out for me. Seriously, they are really nice about it. But it's going to be a lot of money. And the worst part is that if i wait, it's easily double or triple what it will be now.

Well, that was really the straw that broke the camel's back. I got home and immediately started crying. Not just about the overwhelming amount of dental work and money i have to pour into it because i apparently brush to fucking hard (it's all erosion-based), but i probably won't be getting into grad school for real now, which is something i've worked very hard toward for a long time, and even though i'm not sure it's the best idea, i'm still having an extremely hard time with the feeling of rejection as well as the feeling of general failure (this is the reason daN and i moved to Boston. Let's not get into the pressure felt there). I don't know. Not to mention my recent diagnosis of some kind of patella syndrome "commonly found in heavy-set, elderly cleaning ladies who spend their entire days carrying heavy cleaning fluids up and down several flights of stairs," and i have to see an orthopedic surgeon person and a physical therapist about it. Not to mention that i'm on yet another medication, one that incidentally causes high blood pressure and is linked to strokes (this, in a family with a history of extremely high blood pressure and a grandfather who died from having three or four too many strokes).

So you could say it's been a hard week. I'm waiting for that good news promised to me in that fortune cookie. It's still in my pocket. I could really use it.